Dreams, can it be achieved?

Hi readers! (if there is even any)

i foresee this is to be a really wordy post so you still have the choice to walk away now (: KIDDING. haha. Well, i guess this post is going to be one where you get to know me better and understand what i'm really passionate about in life. ^^

So before i start blabbering away....

Just a short summary of my day first! Went to ICA w boyfee in the morning t settle his oath taking and since it was still early when it ended, we decided to catch a movie^^ YAY, HAPPY GIRL IS MUAH! because it's been quite a long while since we're out for a movie(: Watched Hansel & Gretel : Witch Hunters, omooo it was really awesome though the look of witches were really quite gross! Still, a recommended movie HEE. Afterwhich we hanged around till ocean butterflies' course preview(: Excited me *jumps around*

After the course preview, i felt really disappointed due to the course fee (it's really exp even though it has been subsidized) but at the same time, still holding on to that lil hope of being in the team of ocean butterflies. The things that they could offer was really what i've dreamt of all along. Vocal basic, guitar basic, piano lessons, song writing technique and what's best is that this is a collaboration with WDA which means a step into the music industry.

Since young, i've a strong passion for music, always hoping to go for piano lessons but sadly, i wasn't allowed to. So all i could do was to learn simple songs during my choir session in pri school where i get to have access to the piano there. At that point of time, all i had was a very small keyboard which does not have all the piano keys in it. just imagine how small it was. With that small keyboard, i managed to learn how to play 'long long ago'.it was quite an achievement for me back then(: HAHA. My small keyboard then turned into a medium sized keyboard when i realized that my uncle have one that wasn't used by anyone. From there on, i got to try out more songs. Few years after, my aunt sees that i really enjoy playing piano so she decided to pass me her 'spoilt-but-not-spoilt' piano to me and i haven't got it tuned till this day:x heh. but with that piano, it became a greater motivation for me each day. Similar for vocal lessons, i really love to sing though i may not be the best at it, but i know i do have the passion and i'm willing to learn. however, lack of money was what put a pause to me chasing my dream. it was too costly and too much for me to handle.

Now that this songwriting course is up, i felt the urge to take a leap forward, it felt like a call to me. LOL. &yes, the cost of it may be 10 to 20 times more but i always believe that, if this is something one wish to have, they will go for it regardless of the challenges they have on hand and yes, for me MONEY IS THE ISSUE, BIG ISSUE. but, i'm still gonna be thick skin and go for the interview. i will go there shamelessly to present what i have, whether is it singing or piano or perhaps to let them know my passion for music, because at least i know that even if i don't get in, i've tried and that leaves me with no regrets.

It is indescribable, the feeling i have whenever i get close to ocean butterflies. i always ask myself, why do my dream seem 'so far yet so near'? Was it because i do not have the courage to go forward and take the risk or was i giving myself too much excuse to take up the role of a victim?

Whenever i'm alone, i find my heart going back to the world of music. Pardon me if this sound stupid and senseless to you but that was how i really felt. All my life, i've been holding the dream of being in the music industry, i don't necessary have to be a superstar because i clearly don't enjoy a life full of restriction but i'm sure and clear that i wish to be doing something that i'm passionate about; MUSIC. I have been trying to convince myself that music isn't something for me in this past 3 years and that i wouldn't make a living out of it (well, at least that was how i was brought up to believe in) but no, at the end of the day that's where my heart will be, music.

It's funny how i'm feeling emotional as i type this post. It's not as if i have been shortlisted to be in their course yet. Perhaps, taking this step forward means alot to me because it shows that i'm starting to stand for what i really wish to do and facing my fear of failure. Yes, i'm weak like that, i fall easily and i get dishearten easily, a girl with no confidence. I guess that explains why i'm feeling all so emotional now.

To friends who know me, i still do have the dream of being a counsellor and that was why i took the step forward to volunteer in Audible Hearts as well. It gave me a chance to be closer to the hearts of many and to be there with them in this journey. But if given the choice, it will be music over social.

I still haven't share this with my parents...because i don't know what to expect from them, to see the dismay look on them? ohh and have i mentioned this? If i have been successfully chosen to be in this course, i will be spending a bomb, perhaps taking up loans (large amt) and maybe..just maybe.. dropping the idea of going to uni. Can hardly imagine the look of my parents' faces.

ANYWAYS. it's quite retarded t type this whole chunk when i haven't been to the interview yet and not to say, been chosen for this course! So maybe what i should do now is to focus on my preparation for the interview. 2 weeks, thats all i have to prepare and to proof myself. Can i do this? i'm not sure if i'll do well but all i know is that, i'm determine to work hard and give my best.

Jiayous kiahgek but don't put your hopes too high alrights, just do your best and leave no regrets. Also, thankyou dd(: Nothing beats more than having a supportive boyfr who believes in me. i love you dear♥